[ I Am Bengal II – Bengal Harder (Page
6) ]
Week 12, then, and we need to bounce back as quickly as possible, if not
quicker. And what better place to be bouncing than the Meadowlands, in the snow
on Sunday night, facing one of the league’s hottest teams in the 8-2 Jets?
You got me.
“What you’re facing here is a team that’s good, not great, on both sides of
the ball, with a squad largely made up of good, not great, players. The Jets
have made it to 8-2 by doing a little bit of everything – although record means
nothing, our two toughest games this season were against sides who at the time
had losing records – the Browns and the Steelers.”
What about the first game against Baltimore? Some would say that was quite
a tough game, seeing as we, you know, lost it and all. And they haven’t had a
losing record at any time this year, have they?
“Are we going to talk about New York, or are you just going to be Mr. Picky
all evening?”
Sorry. Go right ahead. Don’t let me stop you.
“I won’t. So. The Jet defensive line is adequate, with the exception of
pass-rushing right-end John Abraham, who’ll cause havoc if we let him. They
field a veteran linebacking unit, all of whom are terrific run-stuffers but lack
speed in coverage – run outside, and utilise the tight-ends. Aaron Beasley and
Donnie Abraham are good, not great corners who are good, not great in every
area. The safeties, Jon McGraw and rookie Kyle Crane are both quick, but suspect
in the tackle.”
Another rookie defensive back called Crane?
“We got the right one.”
Fair enough.
“Chad Pennington is still a work-in-progress, but is developing into an
excellent pocket-passer. He’s still inexperienced enough that enough pressure
could rattle him, but it’s difficult to consistently get to him with the
top-notch offensive line he’s playing behind. You know all about his targets –
Laveranues Coles is a vastly underrated receiver with great hands and blinding
speed, Santana Moss is an elusive runner and one of the best kick- and
punt-return men in the league, while Wayne Chrebet has lost a step or two but
remains a threat, particularly on 3rd-down. The tight-end, Becht, is a strong
all-round player, but drops too many catches. This lot will give you a game. I
wouldn’t like to call which way it’ll go.”
Take a chance, take a chance, take-a-take-a-chance...
“You’re not about to burst into song, are you?”
Nah.
“Thank God for that. This is all getting needlessly surreal. Get on with the
game.”
Righto.
-
We win the toss, so that’s okay, nothing to worry about. Or maybe there is –
Corey breaks a big run on 1st down, but then we try to get a bit too clever with
the pass and implode around about the halfway line after end John Abraham finds
his way to Smith for the sack. Knowing that it’s Santana Moss waiting back there
to return the kick, and knowing full-well just how good our coverage unit isn’t,
Nick Harris gets his orders and gives it the big blooter (it’s an industry term)
right into the endzone, and we generously decide to let the Jets have a go.
Lamont Jordan breaks a big run on first down, but then they try to get a bit too
clever with the pass and implode around about the halfway line after end
Roderick Reed finds his way to Pennington for the sack. Knowing that it’s Jon
Crane waiting back there to return the punt, Tom Tupa gets his orders and gives
it the big blooter (it’s an industry term) right into the endzone.
Does anyone else think something weird just happened, or is it just me?
Anyway, we still can’t really get anything going, and have to punt again, Harris
once again launching it out the back of the endzone, giving Penny And The Jets
the ball back at their 20. Pennington drops back, feels pressure coming, sees
his wideouts are covered and dumps the ball off to fullback Richie Anderson...
but Brian Simmons, quietly having a fantastic season, is lurking, dives in to
make the interception and sets us up at the New York 26. From this range, one
big run then getting clever is all we actually need, and that’s pretty much what
we get... Dillon thundering to the 5 before being dragged down by Sam Cowart and
a few close friends... we’re set up to thump up the middle, but see the Jets set
in their goal-line defence and so audible into quick-slants... Akili hits Willie
Jackson, the veteran starting in place of Chad Johnson and his gimpy leg, and
it’s the opening score... 7-0.
Whether it’s down the conditions or the pressure of media attention, the Jets
are still misfiring, and once again they get to around halfway, mostly on the
back of Lamont Jordan, before losing steam – a combination of Jon Crane and
Brian Simmons stopping Jordan on third-and-short, and ensuring that the punters
really are going to earn their salaries today...
They kick away from Crane, again, and the ball goes out of bounds at the 11. 3
straight runs for moderate gains set up, yes, the play-action, Dan Graham
leaving poor old Mo Lewis trailing in his wake to bring the ball in at halfway.
It’s slow, slow, quick-quick slow, eating up the clock and making sure that
there’s going to be no Steeler-esque Prevent-beater miracle plays THIS week. We
mix in the odd short pass, but basically it’s ball-up-the-jersey time all the
way to the New York 2-yard line, where Dillon gets stopped on a 3rd and goal,
and we send on the kicking team... but to prove we’ve learned absolutely
nothing, we get clever with the fake field-goal, Kitna floats the ball right
over Dan Graham and instead of going in 2-scores up in what’s plainly going to
be a bit of a war of attrition, it’s CIN 7-0 NYJ at halftime... Stupid Head
Coach, stupid, stupid stupid stupid!
-
I consider throwing myself on the fire with all the old d-back coaches, but
decide on balance that I’m still the most competent person in the organisation
by a mile, so it’s with coaching staff entirely unroasted that we amble out for
another thirty minutes of fooling around in the snow.
The Jet half-time team-talk has plainly been along the lines of “their corners
can’t live with our receivers, so go at them!” because they come out firing with
3 straight incompletions, 2 of them deep-balls brilliantly defended by first
Crane then Middlebrooks. Back to the ol’ drawing-board, lads. It’s another punt,
Crane getting the ball back to our 43... for what good it does us. 3 and out,
and it’s yet another punt out of the endzone, the national TV audience really,
really pleased they’ve tuned into this thrill-a-minute shootout...
And then, from out of nowhere, the Jets get their first big completion of the
evening, Santana Moss finally getting far enough out of Willie Middlebrooks’
grasp to bring in a 20-yard pass over the middle – the Bengal Secondary
Collective piles on top of him almost immediately, but it’s enough to rouse the
Jets from torpor, and they get a bit of a march on – not much of a march,
admittedly, and on 3rd and 2 at our 36, Brian Simmons goes head-on with Lamont
Jordan and stops him a foot short of the first down... in comes the kicker, John
Hall, but his 51-yard try into the wind and snow drifts wide of the right-hand
upright, and we’re still seven points up, with good field-position.
Or at least, we have good field position for 1 play – Corey Dillon thunders up
the middle, spills the ball and it’s recovered at our 44. Here come the Jets –
they don’t come very far, admittedly, and on 3rd and 2 at our 36, Andre Dyson
and Jonathon Crane go head-on with Lamont Jordan and stop him a foot short of
the first down... in comes the kicker, John Hall – and ah, I think, he’s had a
sighter now, so he’ll know exactly what he’s got to do - but his 51-yard try
into the wind and snow drifts wide of the right-hand upright, and we’re still
seven points up, with good field-position...
*blinks* Did it just happen again? I feel like I’ve fallen into an episode of
Star Trek. Start worrying if I start leaving... random... pauses... in the
middle of my sentences, and then suddenly SHOUTING some... of... my words for NO
readily... obvious... reason. This game brought to you in association with Bill
Shatner and a parallel universe...
This time, we’re determined not to mess it up, and we come out firing, getting
sneaky, trying to overload the short zones – two quick completions get us into
Jet territory, then 2 Dillon runs take us up to the 20-yard line. The
play-action buys Graham an extra step on his out, and you really can’t afford to
give that boy a head-start. He leaves Mo Lewis for dead (again), tramples Aaron
Beasley
underfoot and has time to seek out and lay a hit on the strong safety before
plunging over the goal-line to give us what’s surely an unassailable lead in
these conditions... CIN 14-0 NYJ
There was always a long drive coming at some point, though, and to our credit,
we make them work for it, we make them fight for every yard and use up every
single second that we can... and it even looks like we might yet get them, but
on 4th and 2 at the 4-yard line, Pennington play-fakes to Jordan, our entire
defence falls for it like the Muppets that they are, and Santana Moss is
stupidly wide-open at the back of the endzone for the score. 4 minutes to play,
CIN 14-7 NYJ. Uh-oh...
Surely we're not going to blow it... Surely? We only need a couple of first
downs to put the tin lid on this – we get one with a play-fake that finds backup
tight end Matt Schobel massively open for a gain of 12... that lets us the clock
run down to 2 minutes, but the Jets, you know, are sort’ve expecting that we
might give the ball to Dillon and as a result his two runs are stuffed for a
couple of yards... 3rd and 8, then, and Akili Smith gets into his “if you want a
job done properly...” moods, having a quick glance at the coverage then
scrambling for 11, wisely sliding down before he can get hit and fumble the
damned thing... and that’s all she wrote. It’s a win – not a great win, not a
pretty win, not a win that’ll bolster our burgeoning reputation as an offensive
powerhouse, but a win’s a win at this stage of the season. We’ve only 102
passing yards, but we managed 164 on the ground. It’s not brilliant, but it’s
enough. Final score CIN 14-7 NYJ, our record goes to 9-2.
...
Questions from the floor again, eh? ;)
Evil Dave asks which non-Bengals are hot at the moment, which rookies are
putting up big numbers and which unknowns are going to the Pro-Bowl. Well...
The league leaders in passing yardage are the usual suspects – Kurt Warner, Jeff
Garcia, and that other household name, Melvin Hopkins – the Bears’ rookie
quarterback, who’s put up more than 2300 yards in 11 games. Admittedly, he’s
done it while racking up 24 interceptions to only 17 TDs, but hey. Leading
rookies in terms of efficiency is the Panthers’ Jon Mike Knight, who was helped
to an 80.6 rating by an early-season visit to Bengalville during which my
secondary did their impression of the Keystone Kops. The rushing title is going
to come down to either LaDainian Tomlinson, Corey Dillon or The Prince Of
Darkness, just like last year. The most notable rookies on the list being the KD
Green of the Vikings, who’s racked up 643 yards at 4.5 yards a carry, and the
Lions’ Frank Krause, with an average of just 3.6 yards but a total of 723.
The top 5 receivers aren’t exactly shocks – Terrell Owens, Isaac Bruce, Jimmy
Smith, Marvin Harrison, Randy Moss... but in 6th place comes Rod Gardner of the
Redskins, which surprised me, at least. 10th in terms of yardage, and current
front-runner for Offensive RoY comes Levi Williams, Atlanta’s speedfreak, who I
was reliably assured couldn’t catch. Never trust a scout.
Defensively speaking, if we’re looking at hot players, there’s no-one hotter
than Sam Madison and Patrick Surtain, who have 22 interceptions between them!
Johnnie Mobley, Washington’s rookie DT, has 8 sacks while the Ravens’ rookie
tackle Brendan Bryant, has 6, both looking set for the Pro-Bowl. There are few
other surprise Pro-Bowl selections, to be honest, although the tight-end
position throws up a couple of eyebrow-raisers – at this stage, the AFC look
like they’ll be playing without Tony Gonzales, the three TE spots being filled
by Daniel Graham, Marcus Pollard and Frank Wycheck, while in the NFC 2nd-year
Seahawk Jerramy Stevens joins Shockey and Chad Lewis. Oh, and Santana Moss has
overtaken Jon Crane for the second kick-return spot, despite the latter’s 3 TDs
on kick-return this year so far. Idiots.
The general playoff picture looks like this:
AFC (* = leads division)
BENGALS 9-2*
Dolphins 9-2*
Jets 8-3
Chargers 7-4*
Ravens 7-4
Steelers 6-5
Colts 6-5*
Oranges 6-5
NFC (* = leads division)
Eagles 9-2*
Rams 9-2*
Bears 8-3*
Packers 7-4
49ers 7-4
Seahawks 7-4
Saints 7-4*
Buccaneers 7-4
Giants 6-5
For those of you paying attention at the back, that means yes, we’re in
officially the Toughest Division In Football, with every team in the AFC North
racking up a winning record. The league’s hottest team are the Miami
Marine-Mammals, who’ve won their last 7 straight – the Oranges, meanwhile, have
won their last five since starting 1-5 – in fact, they’ve won every game since
we beat them in that hilariously cruel and ridiculous way in Week 7. At the
other end of the scale, there’s the race for the 1st pick of next year’s draft:
Cardinals 1-10 (streak: L8)
Panthers 1-10 (streak: L9)
Lions 2-9
Texans 2-9
Cowboys 2-9
Raiders 3-8
Not a great year to be a football fan in Texas, clearly. And the prize for
Funniest Abrupt Self-Destruction goes to last year’s AFC Championship
runners-up, Oakland - sans Gannon, sans Rice, sans Brown, sans Romonowski, sans
Garner (season-ending injury), sans any sort of hope this season, really...
-
Well, that’s the big one out of the way... now. Strayster28 would like to
know how our offensive strategy is going to change in the wake of Chad Johnson’s
injury, and what my expectations are for this season...
Well, Chad’s spot will be filled by a combination of Willie Jackson and Jason
Harris. Willie and Jason are similar kinds of players, both primarily
possession-type receivers, and so bring different skills to the game than Chad
would, so yes, we’re going to have to modify our offensive philosophy for the
few weeks Chad will be out. This year we’ve been much more of a vertical offence
than we were last, with both Johnson and Peter Warrick averaging over 20 yards a
catch, but for the next few games I think you’ll see us setting out our stall in
a similar way to last season, with the emphasis shifting to short routes and
quick passing, and with our tight-ends playing a bigger part in the offence than
they have so far.
As for expectations... I think we can realistically consider ourselves Superbowl
contenders. Why not? We’ve beaten two of the top 4 teams in the AFC and 1 of the
NFC division leaders, we’re well in the running for the top seed in the
conference, we’re pretty healthy (touch wood, and Chad Johnson aside) – how can
we not be considered in the running? 4 of our last 5 games are away from the
Paul Brown – at Tampa Bay, at Pittsburgh, at Jacksonville, then home to the
Texans before finishing on the road against the Oranges. That’s not the easiest
schedule, by any means, but I’ll be disappointed if we’re not back home for at
least the first two weeks of the playoffs.
-
RZA asks how I feel about the so-called “real-life” Bengals and their 2-14
record... Well, as a Jets fan, I don’t really give a toss. ;) Although I’ll
confess that since starting this franchise I’ve picked up a bit of sneaking
affection for the goons in the funky tiger-stripe helmets. Hopefully Marvin
Lewis will be able to get the team to at least a respectable season next year,
although I’m not convinced that head-coach is where most of the problem lies in
Cincinnati.
And finally, in this audience-participation special, it’s Strayster28 again, who
wants to know whether I consider myself a good Madden player – um, it’s sort’ve
hard to tell. I’ve been playing the thing since John Madden Football on the Mega
Drive (that’s the Genesis to you colonial-types) and so I’ve picked up a trick
or three in the last ten years – but as against that I’ve never had a 2-player
game in my life, and I still pretty much suck at playing defence (I’m yet to get
off the Pro level of the Swat Ball mini-camp drill, for example). So, I don’t
really know. Next year, when they release the Network Adapter over here, maybe
you’ll be able to find out for yourself...;)
-
Aha... a few questions from VB mean that I don’t have to think about writing
up my 3-game backlog just yet... ;)
How is the Salary Cap holding up? Although the Bengals start with a huge
amount of room I find it gets eaten very quickly.
Yep, we’re in leetle beet of salary-cap trouble, thanks partly to the
free-agents we brought in in Year 1, and partly because of having to re-sign
Takeo Spikes to a serious-money contract at the start of Year 2. We’ve about 2.5
mil under the cap at the moment, but are about to lose 3/5 of our starting
offensive line to free-agency. I’m not too concerned yet, because we’ll gain a
little room with some of the stiffs whose contracts we’re not going to renew,
plus all the really big players in the team (Akili, Graham, Warrick, Johnson,
Dillon, Simmons, Spikes, Justin Smith, Middlebrooks and the rookies) have at
least 2-3 more years, and because we won’t have the expense of a 2nd or 3rd
round draft-pick to sign next off-season.
Do you think you have developed enough affection for my beloved Bengals to
stretch this to three seasons, or do you feel that two is as many as you can do
without them becoming a unrecognisable team due to rookies et al?
The problem isn’t going to be that the team’s unrecognisable, I don’t think – as
I’ve just said, most of my most Bengal-y Bengals, the core of the team, will be
around for a while yet. The problem is that I’m worried that the thing will
become repetitive, and I’d rather stop before people get fed up with it. If I
win the Superbowl this season, I’ll definitely call it a day there and go out on
top. If I don’t, I’ll have to think about quitting anyway.
Do you read TMQ?? LOL. Marine Mammals indeed.
I don’t – should I? What is it?
(Writer's Note - Now I do. And, if you're interested enough in Helmetball to
have read this far into the story, so should you. There's a link to Gregg
Easterbrook's amusing and insightful Tuesday Morning Quarterback column, now on
NFL.com, in the sidebar over yonder. Give it a whirl.)
Have you got round to trying out Levi in the LT position?
He’s been starting at LT since the bye-week – I suddenly thought that it might
be an idea to try and develop one of the few linemen who’s still going to be
here at the end of the year... ;) So far, so good.
And on a more UK based note, are you going with Sky or C5 for the Superbowl
tonight?
Sky have got Madden and Micheals, but on the other hand there aren’t so many
annoying ad-breaks on 5. I’ll likely flick between the two. ;)
...
And so to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
“To the Tampa Bay Buccaneers!”
What?
“I’m sorry, I thought you were proposing a toast.”
Hoping that no-one’s read the HHG2G, eh?
“It’s not plagiarism, it’s a homage. Like your rattling on about “industry
terms” in the Jets game. You know, the bit you stole from My Cousin Vinny?”
Borrowed, not stole. Shall we get on with this?
“Let’s. The Tampa Bay offence looks a lot like the Tampa Bay offence of last
year – for Shaun King, read rookie Jamie Dotson, another mobile quarterback of
the sort that Gruden prefers. King, who absolutely torched us in the game last
season, is the backup, with Brad Johnson, by far the best pure passer of the
group, rooted at 3 in the depth chart. The halfbacks are still Alstott and
Pittman, power and pace respectively, and they have another receiving threat out
of the backfield with fullback Jameel Cook. The receiving corps is big and
physical – not the quickest, but very tough to jam on the line. You can’t take
this unit lightly, but they’re in no sense the threat that, say, New York or
Pittsburgh were.”
You didn’t mention the tight ends.
“There’s no point. Against your defence, the opposition could field Celine
Dion at tight-end and she’d still rack up eighty yards and a score.”
Harsh, but fair.
“The defence looks a little less fierce than in previous years. The d-line is
still intact and outstanding – Rice, Sapp, McFarland, Spires – but Derrick
Brooks seems to have squirreled away all the speed of the Bucs’ linebacker corps
and now won’t let anyone else play with it, no way, no how. The Tampa Bay
secondary remains predictably awesome, with the single proviso that they’re now
down to their 3rd-string free safety. All in all, this team are tough but
beatable. If we seriously consider ourselves candidates for a deep run into the
playoffs, this is exactly the sort of game that we simply have to win.”
Oooh-er.
-
Well, since my boy’s gone to all the trouble of hunting out a weakness in the
Buc defensive machine, it’d be rude not to go after it. Loading up with extra
blockers, we start the first drive of the game with slashing runs designed to
test those slow linebackers and get Dillon into it early. A play-pass sees one
of these plodding laddos trying to cover Daniel Graham on a corner-route with as
much success as you’d expect, John Lynch eventually getting over to bring our
marauding tight end down at the 1. Rookie Jason Harris catches the ball on a
quick slant the next play, and it’s all gone quiet in Tampa. CIN 7-0 TB.
The remainder of the first quarter peters out in an impressive display of
offensive incompetence and/or powerful defence, depending on how charitable
you’re feeling. With a combination of good return-play and, for a change, good
kicking, we come out ahead in the duel of field-position, ending up set up at
the Tampa 37. They have to know it’s coming, but they can’t stop it... run, run,
play-pass, Dan Graham over the middle this time, once again getting close
without quite getting in. Corey Dillon delivers the coup de grace, smashing
through Derrick Brooks and over the line from 2 yards out, putting us up 14-0...
Corey wheels away to celebrate, and Brooks... stays down. Ooooh...
Our defence is going great guns, our rush ferocious and our tackling immaculate.
On 3rd and 10, Shelton feels the pressure and has to dump off to his short
receiver, Keenan McCardell, who’s ridden out of bounds by nickelback Andre Dyson
two yards shy of the 1st. The punt goes 45 yards and comes back 40, Jon Crane
weaving through traffic all the way back to the Buc 38, and we’re ready to go
again. The Tampa Bay defensive line is quite handy at rushing the quarterback
too, of course, and Akili’s having to stay light on his feet to deliver the
ball. Under pressure, he takes the desperation measure of unloading at the
depth-chart’s 6th wide-out TD Houshmandz on a crossing-route, who against all
expectation brings the ball in, turns upfield and dodges tacklers all the way
for a 23-yard gain, his first catch of the season. The news comes through on
Derrick Brooks – broken ribs. 9 weeks out for the last surviving Buc linebacker
with enough speed to run down a three-legged tortoise. Oh, frabjous day! Calloh!
Callay! We chortle, in our joy. 3 Dillon runs later, it’s 21-0 and if it was
quiet in the Raymond James before, you could hear a pin drop now. And not a big
pin, either. Heh heh heh.
Yes, of course they go 60 yards in 30 seconds to end the half, of course they
do. And of course it’s tight end Ken Dilger who takes the catch to get Tampa Bay
on the scoreboard, provoking annoying pirate-ship cannon-fire-type celebrations.
Enjoy it while you can, miladdos, because the second half... belongs to us.
Mwahahahahaaaa! Half-time: CIN 21-7 TB.
-
“More of the same” is the predictable refrain during the break, and out once
again we jolly well come. A lot of action seems to have occurred around the
Tampa 38-yard line for some reason that’s probably really significant if one was
inclined to investigate it in numerological terms. Which I’m not, of course.
Anyway, first drive of the second half sees the Bucs determined to build on the
progress they made at the end of the second quarter, and our defence equally
determined to smack Tampa Bay’s collective spines out through the backs of their
uniforms. On 3rd and 6 following two go-nowhere Alstott efforts, Jamie Dotson
makes a three-step drop and looks for Keyshawn Johnson on a quick slant. That’s
Jamie DOTSON, by the way, not Shelton as I said in my last post – although it’s
probably not worth committing his name to memory in light of future events.
Anyway, Dotson drops back and releases the ball a split-second before being
introduced with extreme prejudice to rookie DE Rod Reed. Down goes Dotson
clutching at his knee, while at the same time Jonathon Crane displays his
impressive burst, making up the two steps Keyshawn had over him and making a
smart pick. Mwahahahahaaaa, I say again. Our plan to slowly grind out another
score goes West pretty quickly, though, as Corey Dillon takes a handoff to slide
off-left-tackle (into the zone so inadequately filled by Derrick Brooks’
bumbling replacement), picks up a block, steps over one would-be tackler then
tramples right through another and is gone, gone, gone for a 44-yard score.
Mwahahahahaaaa, once more. CIN 28-7 TB. Oh, and that’ll be a knee-sprain for
young Master Dotson, gone for a couple of weeks. That’ll teach him to have a
name that I confuse with other people.
If the Bucs are going to make a move, this is the time. And if Shaun King’s ever
going to get his starting job back, it had better be now. But once again, we
keep Tampa Bay bottled up in their own territory, the big play being Crane
getting a hand to a deep ball lofted in Keyshawn Johnson’s direction on 2nd and
10 that was a certain touchdown had the grab been made. On 3rd down, the
coverage is good, King tries to scramble but finds only Brian Simmons and a
world of hurt, in that precise order. Down goes King, and in what’s becoming a
horribly familiar sight to the home fans, out comes the stretcher. Broken
collarbone, and that’s you done for the year, sunshine. Not wanting to sound
vindictive or anything for the thorough trousering Shaun King gave to my
secondary last year, but... Mwahahahahaaaa all the same.
Their defence is getting ground down by the length of time they’ve been on the
field, and Dillon’s finding less and less resistance which is, of course,
opening up the passing game. Peter Warrick brings in a 20-yard grab over the
middle, the on the very next play their secondary inexplicably loses track of
rookie Jason Harris, a man who if he were any slower over the ground would
actually be moving backwards. Harris takes the catch in an acre of space on an
out-and-in for 22 yards and his second score of the game. CIN 35-7 TB.
In go the backups, and under Brad Johnson Tampa Bay make a late, pointless,
hopeless rally to the tune of 14 points, but in the Encyclopaedia Britannica
entry for “Too Little, Too Late” it actually says “See Tampa Bay Buccaneers in
the 4th quarter at home against the Bengals, 2003.” To rub salt in the wound, on
3rd and 3 with 1:29 to play following our recovery of the Bucs’ onside kick,
needing a 1st down to ice the game Kitna hits Corey Dillon in the flat and he
strolls untouched into the endzone for his fourth touchdown on the day to make
the final score CIN 42-21 TB. 10-2, then, and the playoffs so close we can taste
them... Mwahahahahaaaa, for a final time.
...
Week 14. Sunday night. Heinz Field. National TV. Game Of The Week. The
Pittsburgh Steelers, 7-5, on a bit of a charge since beating us in our own
backyard, and a team that I’m yet to defeat in 3 attempts as Bengal head coach.
They’ve never blown us out, but they’ve been consistently just a bit better than
us in every area that matters. Plus, of course, they’ve J*r*me B*tt*s, The Spawn
Of Satan’s Scaly Loins, once again the League’s third-leading rusher and
consistently the rock upon which all my hopes are dashed.
Or something along those lines.
“There’s no new injury problems for Pittsburgh, so just to recap – great
offence, better defence, you’re doomed.”
Nice to know where we stand, at least.
We lose the toss, and have to kick it away, never a good omen. And predictably
the Steelers start All Bettis, All The Time, the big lump absolutely gouging us,
picking up 25 yards in 3 carries and taking a catch for another 5. Knowing
they’re on to a winner, they run the Prince Of Darkness again, a toss left that
sees him surge past my linebackers like they’re not there and on into the
secondary. Strong safety Aric Morris is the last line of defence between
Juggernaut’s big brother and the endzone, he has to make the tackle, and he
does, getting his helmet right smack onto the ball and popping it free of The
Lord Of All Foulness’ grasp. Rookie linebacker Aaron Hall snatches up the rock,
takes off downfield for a healthy gain and way-hey-hey, we’ve first down at the
Steeler 33. If there’s one principle I try to hold true to, it’s that of “kick
‘em when they’re down” – our pass-protection is uncharacteristically good, and
with a little time to play with Akili goes for the house. FS Chris Hope never
looks back, and Peter Warrick goes up to take the catch over the top of the
bumbling fool and in no time at all it’s Advantage Bengal – 7-0.
We’re a little more ready for The Evil One next time out, but as against that
Pittsburgh are less willing to fold when faced with our pass-wackiness. An
exchange of punts, ours thumped at the sidelines to keep it out of the hands of
Antwaan Randle-El, sees the Steelers set up at their own 32. Beelzebub’s Own
Halfback lumbers over my defence, then on 1st and 10 at the Pittsburgh 42,
Quarterback-In-A-Parallel-Universe Kordell Stewart finds tight-end Mark Bruener
on a hitch-route for the first of what’s likely to be a lot of lobs at the
tight-end tonight. Or maybe not. Linebacker Bernardo Harris clobbers Bruener,
the ball squirts out like a bar of soap to be scooped up by Brian Simmons, who
proceeds to outrun Stewart and the entire Steeler offence to the tune of 52
yards and our first defensive TD of the year! Lawrence Stills shanks the PAT,
but we’re still in the first quarter with the scoreboard reading CIN 13-0 PIT.
In go the Steeler offence again, and out come the Steeler offence again,
Bernardo Harris the hero for the second straight series when he gets under the
cloven hooves of the Tailback From The Locker-Room Of Lucifer a yard shy of
coverting a 3rd-and-3. Taking a cue from us, they kick short and at the
sidelines to keep the punt out of the arms of Crane, meaning that we’re good to
go with sweet field-position. Corey Dillon, or CD as I really should have
thought to call him before now, is running strongly – the yards are coming in
fits and starts, as they will do against a defence this good, but they’re coming
all the same and that sets up our passing game – Peter Warrick, really
shouldering the burden in the absence of partner-in-crime Chad Johnson, drags
across the field in front of a set of four “elite” linebackers who’ve
theoretically dropped into “pass coverage” but actually seem to be standing back
and just admiring the play unfolding before them. Akili hits his man in stride,
Warrick turns upfield behind a block from the hardest-working rookie wideout in
football, Jason Harris, and scampers up the sideline for a 21-yard gain to the
Steeler 16. On the subsequent 3rd and 4, Corey follows his lead-blocker off the
right tackle, jukes back left to get inside Jason Gildon’s fractional
over-pursuit and thunders through the smallest of gaps for the score. We go for
two, and blow it (Take 1 ‘Till The Fourth!) but with only 3:15 left in the half
it’s CIN 19-0 PIT.
It’s barely a surprise when Pittsburgh march downfield to get on the board as
time runs out, however, our defence seemingly having a clause in their contract
that forbids them from playing in the last drive of the first half and for the
whole fourth quarter. The whole drive is conducted with highly irritating
dink-and-dunk passes, and it only adds to my ire when the Steelers draw us into
a dime package with their 4-wide shenanigans, then dump the pass off to The
Unspeakable One, who predictably stomps all over my multitude of skinny little
d-backs on his way to a 15-yard touchdown. Swine. Half-time, though, and it’s a
pretty damned satisfying CIN 19-7 PIT.
-
Out come the teams for the second half, with us in the unusual position of
receiving the kick, and the even more unusual position of being in with a great
chance of beating the Steelers in their own house. The “Terrible” Towels are out
– ooh, scary – and away goes the kick, wide and shortish, fielded by m’man Crane
on our 10. He cuts in, he swerves out, he bursts through Pro-Bowl safety Lee
Flowers’ arm-tackle, he sees the coverage parting like the Red Sea and he’s out
into the open field and, Lordy Mama, if he’s not gone AGAIN! It’s 90 yards, it’s
his fourth TD kick return of the season and his second in 3 evening games. We
shall call him... Prime-Time. CIN 26-7 PIT.
Grrr, go the Steelers, all psyched and wanting to show what they’re made of.
Sack, incomplete, incomplete, go our defence. The “Terrible” Towels are back in
again. Pittsburgh punt deep, but our boy JC, utterly uncoverable tonight it
seems, brings it back into Steeler territory, and away we go once more. Two
runs, then it’s “Pittsburgh Steelers - meet my good friend, Mister Play-Pass.”
Daniel “Walmart” Graham (he’s always open. Ber-boom!) once again makes a mockery
of the Steelers’ “elite” linebackers, finding himself all on his lonesome for a
gain of 28. 3 crunching Dillon runs up the gut later make it 32-7, and we’re
feeling sufficiently saucy to try the deuce once again, Jason Harris making the
grab on yet another play-pass to make the score a frankly unbelievable CIN 34-7
PIT.
Pittsburgh cobble together another good drive, but they’re swimming against the
tide, now, and it’s more an irritant than a worry. The big play is, again, a
pass to the Antichrist vs. diddy little cornerbacks – 31 yards down the left
sideline this time – and it’s Doctor Evil who finishes it off, too, from 1 yard,
making the scoreboard a tad more respectable. CIN 34-14 PIT.
Yeah, okay, boys. Normal service is resumed with CD getting a quick 15 yards
against a tiring Steelers front seven, then Peter Warrick beating the zone for
27 more. The Steel Curtain’s more a Net Curtain about now, and 24 yards on 3
Dillon runs see us to 1st and goal, sees the end of the 3rd quarter and sees
Kitna and Adam Smith come in to close it out. Smith finishes the drive from
point-blank range, and this would be getting embarrassing were it any team but
Grumpy Bill’s Horde Of Wickedness that we were whaling on. CIN 41-14 PIT.
And guess what? It gets worse. Following about their seven thousandth
three-and-out of the night, the rookie halfback and the journeyman career-backup
quarterback engineer a sustained drive against one of the top defences in the
game. With a 2nd and 9 on the Pittsburgh 29, Grumpy Bill brings today's chosen
fall-guy, "Pro-Bowl" SS Lee Flowers into the box to stuff the run. A quick
audible sees Peter Warrick post into the space that Mr. Flowers has just
vacated, Kitna steps up smartly to avoid the rush and puts the ball right on the
money for Warrick's second TD catch. Oh dearie me... Pittsburgh have time for
one last, desperate Drive For Respectability, during which we put the tin lid on
the game by Aric Morris stripping the ball from the Lord Of The Sith for the
second time. Takeo Spikes recovers the fumble and puts us in position to take a
couple of knees (that's one knee twice, not two knees at the same time,
naturally) and run out the clock. It’s the first game in 7 that we’re sans
interception, but we sort’ve made up for that a bit with three fumble
recoveries, 2 in the first quarter that set up our first two touchdowns and
forced the Steelers to chase the game right from the get-go. We’ve done it with
offence, we’ve done it with defence, we’ve done it with special teams, and right
now we don’t have to fear anyone. It’s our first win in 4 attempts against
Pittsburgh – but by the Hammer of Grabthar, we are avenged! And in front of the
entire nation, no less! Final score, CIN 48-14 PIT, taking us to the giddy,
unheard-of reaches of 11-2.
[
^ back to top ]
[ < back to page 5 ]
[ on to page 7 > ]
(c) daniel roe 2003
